Ex-Chaplain administers hazing

Campus Centre hasn’t seen hazing like this since George “Slap-Happy” Franklin in ‘57

At a recent service, debauchery and controversy marred the Lutheran Campus Centre. While presiding, ex-chaplain Bonita Walkenstrict interrupted the service to initiate incoming interim chaplain Pr. Layton Quiche.

Those present described the scene as “shocking,” “traumatic,” “nauseating,” “perpendicular,” “outrageous” and “capricious.”

“Knowing Bonita,” remarked Pr. Quiche, “I actually wasn’t surprised by this. It isn’t widely known, but professors at the seminary regularly haze students in a similar manner.” Pr. Quiche concluded by saying the hazing “will definitely leave a mark.”

Pr. Quiche, unknowing of his forthcoming initiation.

Impressed by Walkenstrict’s vast knowledge, experience and ruthlessness in hazings, US President George “Dubya” Bush tried to recruit Walkenstrict for the CIA. “She’d make a great addition to our torture . . . I mean interrogation division. As long as Walkenstrict is not torturing . . . I mean interrogating people for us, the terrorists are winning.”