The Question

In the wake of devastation caused by the announced departure of campus chaplain Bonita Strictenstern, there seems only to be one lingering question(other than the everlasting mystery of who stole the cookie from the cookie jar - our money is on Bonita, she spends more time alone at the centre than anyone else, plus she has keys and could sneak in at night): who will the interim chaplain be? To help ease student anxiety, we here at the Travestical have compiled a shortlist of the likely candidates.

Who will fill the campus ministry void?

Elvis Presley (aka “The King”) - Despite being dead (and not being ordained for that matter), Elvis has many redeeming qualities that would make him a perfect fit for the job of campus chaplain. The music ministry would be rockin’, and we’re sure those dance skills are transferable to a liturgical setting. We foresee especially effective ministry to 1950s pre-pubescent girls. Odds – 3:1

Bonita Strictenstern – We wouldn’t put it past Bonita to cook up a story about how she’s leaving just to get attention – we’ve been hearing all the people telling Bonita how much they love her, and how much they’ll miss her. And anyone who knows Bonita can surely tell you how much of an attention hog she is. Odds – 6:1

Jesus – the Great I Am Himself! What could be better timing for the second coming? It would save the board of directors the agony of choosing a replacement, and you know he’d give at least ten percent of his salary back to the ministry. Heck – he’d probably give twenty! Odds - 4:1