Newcomer suffers AOA!!

A relative newcomer to the LCC recently suffered an AOA(1). John Smith (named changed due to privacy laws) succumbed to the mental terror that is AOA Tuesday on his walk from LCC to STM sometime after M&M. JS was picked up by EMS and is currently recovering in the ICU at RUH. Dr. D. Franklin said JS is “on the road to recovery but has a long way to go. We thought JS was DOA, but were glad to realize it was a misdiagnosis.” Franklin went on to describe AOA as being “like a torn ACL, but in your head.”

USSU VP of student issues Ashlee Smith wasn’t sympathetic to JS’s cause. “At the university level you are expected to be able to handle these sorts of things.” The LSM executive was equally indifferent to JS’s request for compensation, saying “He’s SOL.”

LSM chaplain Pr Bonita Talkenalot was concerned about JS’s spiritual health during his recovery. “In situations like this I always ask myself, ‘self, WWJD?’. Then I PUSH, you know, ask JC to work His magic. The STU is really supportive. You know I really learned to FROG during CPE at LTS.” [sic]

Details surrounding JS’s attack are unclear. During his last known conversation he was invited to SNL and the LSM AGM. It is reported he ran away screaming “Not ACA, Not ACA(2)”

1. AOA – acronym overload attack
2. ACA – another Christian acronym