Ecumenical Dating Service

The Ecumenical Supper Group, in a landmark decision, has chosen to break from tradition and hold a square dance.

“We kind of got tired of the whole learning thing,” said Michael McBean, STM chaplain and member of the ecumenical supper committee, referring to the tendency in the past to have a speaker come and give a lecture. “I mean, these kids have to listen to people talk all the time and are expected to learn something every day. It is completely unreasonable. The expectations are way too high. We wanted to provide a fun activity where Christians can meet and just have a good time.”

Lutheran Chaplain Pr Bonita Walkenfast was more upfront about the goals of the committee. “Listen, we all know that church numbers are in decline. If we can hook-up two Christians who will raise a large Christian family, we can begin to grow the church again.” When asked to comment on the statement “Dancing leads to sex,” Pr Walkenfast said “Well, we ultimately hope it will lead to sex. Not until after marriage, of course. A square dance should be platonic enough to prevent pre-marital relations. It is also a small enough move forward to keep our conservative elders pacified.” When asked about the ethics of this decision, Pr Walkenfast remarked “Lutheran ethics are situational, and we [the church] are desperate in this situation. It also will encourage ecumenism for life. Besides, as the Red Hot Chili Peppers sing it, ‘Catholic School Girls Rule.’”