20 Questions with Pr. Layton Quiche

Actually due to budgetary cutbacks we can only afford to ask ten.

As Bob Dylan prophetically sang in 1964, “the times they are a-changin.” With the departure of estranged chaplain Bonita Talkenalot, the Lutheran Campus Centre enters a tumultuous period of transition. Pr. Layton Quiche, the man chosen by the board of directors to captain the ship through these times of turmoil, certainly has the facial hair of a pirate up to the task.

Continually looking out for you, our dear readers, the Travestical took the initiative of requesting an interview with Pr. Quiche. Purposefully ignoring our credentials and connection to the community, Pr. Quiche refused to meet with us or answer our questions. But fear not Travestical faithful, a back-up plan created for just such a situation exploded into action. We consulted Madame Le’Treche, world-renowned psychic and tarot card reader. Madame Le’Treche contacted Pr. Quiche’s spirit on an alternate plane of being (while he was sleeping, of course). The following interview contains many revelations that we hope will help you get to know Pr. Quiche.

Travestical (T): What is your name?
Pr. Quiche (Q): Layton Quiche, but my friends call me Scooter. Oh, and I guess my gangsta friends call me Quichemasta Flash. But students can call me Layton.

T: What is your favorite color?
Q: Blue. No, Yellow!

T: What was the most embarrassing nickname you’ve had?
Q: Spanky McFlashdance . . . you know, I still love that movie; “Oh, What a Feeling!” Oh the music! Oh the dance moves!

T: Why did you choose to accept the position of interim chaplain?
Q: Well, there were a wide variety of reasons. I certainly found the lucrative pay (not to mention benefits) enticing. To be honest, I have been feeling a little old lately, and am hoping to mooch some vitality for life off of the students. At the very least, the students provide an avenue through which I can live out my dreams. Also, I don’t have many friends.

T: What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Q: African or European?

T: If you could have dinner with anyone from history, who would it be, what would you serve and why?
Q: Probably Charlie Chaplin, because I wouldn’t have to listen to him blather on and on. He can’t talk you know. That’s why he made all those movies with no talking. Cause he can’t talk. I would probably order Chinese, so Chaplin felt more at home.

T: What was the most formidable challenge you have ever gone through?
Q: I spent seven and a half years in a Buddhist monastery in south-eastern Tibet trying to figure out how the hell they get the caramel in the Caramilk bar. I never did figure it out, and the diet of rice and yak milk was really doing a number on my digestive system.

T: Imagine you could trade places with anyone for just a week. The person could be famous or not famous, living or from history, real or fictional. With whom would you trade places?
Q: I would definitely be the famous, living, real person.

T: If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the title should be?
Q: “Elephants in Pink Tutus.” It was going to be “Superfluous Hair and Its Removal,” but that was already taken.

T: What experience do you have in liturgical interpretive dance?
Q: I spent my formative years as the Lutheran representative in the Royal Winnipeg Ballet, bringing the steadfast tradition of liturgy to the otherwise chaotic world of choreographed toe dancing. In the late sixties I worked with a group at LTS trying to start a liturgical dance company in Saskatoon. The novelty of it all really wore off with the LSD.