LSM Exec wallows in nepotism

Tiller family eyes Lutheran empire
“How could we let this happen?” cried one student. “They all seem so innocent. How could we have known?”

This sentiment sums up feelings around the Lutheran Campus Centre after students, in a rare moment of lucidity and clarity, began to realize the Lutheran Student’s Movement executive had been hijacked.

“The Tiller family has taken complete control of the exec and is using their powers to push forward a self-serving agenda,” cried another student, who has since gone missing.

The Tiller family began their rise to power inconspicuously enough, when Teleah and Brendra Tiller moved into the student housing at the Campus Centre. During their two-year stay, the girls developed a close relationship with then-chaplain Bonita Strictenstern. This relationship opened the door for the Tiller’s rise to domination.

Upon graduating from high school, Robby and Jaquelle followed their elder sibling to Saskatoon. The four moved into their current Lindsay Dr headquarters. The Tillers soon made their move to completely dominate the Campus Centre. All four rigged elections and became key members of the LSM exec, with Teleah taking control of the all-important and all-powerful position of president.

The group quickly moved to secure power, using the LSM Constitution as their vehicle, making several important changes in September of 2006, during the reign of Teleah. Several changes, allowing the Tiller’s to enforce their wills, were implemented, including:

• a quorum requirement was removed for the AGM (allowing the Tiller’s to run the AGM without others present).
• Several application/discussion processes were removed in favor of executive appointments, such as a first-year executive Member at Large and the replacement of vacant executive positions, allowing the Tillers to appoint Tiller-friendly executive members.
• Quorum for Executive meetings was changed to a majority of executive members, and the executive size was changed to 6 – 10 members – allowing the Tillers, plus their appointed allies, to push through their agenda with little resistance.
• The Elections Committee is no longer responsible for ensuring “the election is run in a manner acceptable to the membership.”
• Also added: “Any complaints regarding elections practices will be dealt with by the Elections Committee,” the very people who put those election practices into place.

Power becomes happiness: the Tiller family, clockwise from top-right: Teleah, Brendra, Robby, and Jaquelle. What do you mean it looks like we photoshopped Teleah’s head onto someone else’ body? What a preposterous proposition!

These changes are seen by many as a first wave of constitutional amendments furthering the consolidation of power in the hands of the Tiller family. Many students are concerned future amendments will completely solidify the Tiller family hold on power, including giving them access to Campus Centre finances. “They’re like the Lutheran mafia,” said one student, who was later found floating face down in the river.

Pr. Raul Hartidaughter seems oblivious to the Tiller’s power radius. “They’ve always been quite nice to me,” Hartidaughter quips, staring at the framed picture of the Tillers above his desk. “Robby and Teleah, those engineering students, even offered to redesign my house, and even do the renovations, for free! How could I not love them!”

The Travestical was equally alarmed to learn that Teleah and Robby’s parents recently moved to Saskatoon. In the short months they have been here, Red Tiller, their father, has already taken up a key position on the Church Management Team at Good Shepherd Lutheran church.

The threat of the Tiller’s ever-expanding power paints the future of the Lutheran church in Saskatoon a darker shade of grey. Only time will tell if the Tiller’s power will continue to rise, overshadowing and engulfing all who oppose their domination.