Union demands not as they seem

Strike targets “fatties” in union

On Friday, Nov. 2nd, the union representing service workers at the University of Saskatchewan, CUPE 1975, walked off the job and began walking the picket line along College Drive. Having been without a contract since December 2006, one is not surprised by the union’s surface demands for a fair and progressive contract. Always the bastion of investigatory journalism, the Travestical has discovered the deeper, more sinister reasons for the union’s job action.

Concerned about recent studies regarding Canadian’s high levels of obesity, and unsatisfied to offer a voluntary exercise program, union leaders decided to make union members walk the picket line. “The average person walks 5km/hr,” claims union leader Rad McKeg. “That same, average person will burn 255 calories/hr at that same, average speed. During their four hour shifts on the picket line, that’s 732 more calories than they would burn sitting on their [expletive deleted] doing nothing.”

Many picketers brandished signs that subtly hinted at the union’s underlying motives.

Lutheran Campus Centre chaplain Pr. Raul Hartidaughter controversially responded to the news by spending the afternoon passing out a variety of treats and dainties to the striking workers. Unwilling to explain whether this action showed support for the union, the workers, or the administration, Pr. Hartidaughter insisted he merely wished to get rid of the leftover desserts from his installation. When asked why he didn’t just eat them himself, Pr. Hartidaughter replied “Well, we’re not unionized.”