A New Day, A New Dawn

An interview with the new chaplain

In its continuing effort to bring you the truth through integral investigatory journalism, the Travestical is proud to bring you this interview with the new Lutheran Campus Centre chaplain, Pr. Raul Hartidaughter. In a Travestical first, Pr. Raul actually responded to our interview request, and his answers were so good we didn’t make any of them up. We’re actually serious this time. We think this is a sign Pr. Raul will fit in well at the Campus Centre; although, we are not without concern. Read on to find out more. . .

Travestical (T): What is your favorite color?
Raul Hartidaughter (RH): Actually, I'm red-green colour blind, so "my favourite colour" isn't a really big question. If you need an answer, though, I kind of dig blue. Black is nice, too.

T: How do you plan on ensuring the proper altar cloths are in place given the season, and, as a person with a disability, do you have any plans to make the Campus Centre a more disability-friendly environment?
RH: Altar cloths aren't a problem - for the most part they're obvious, and if blue and purple are giving me trouble, I ask. I also, in fact, plan to paint the entire campus centre (plants, furniture, cookies, everything) grey. Or maybe I'll get adventurous and make it beige. Then I'll never be left guessing.

T: Are you going to be putting your profile on Facebook? Do you even know what Facebook is?
RH: No, I am not going to be putting my profile on Facebook (remember my comments about being humble and timid?)[Ed: he was really trying to make himself look good in his initial response to the interview], and yes, I do know what Facebook is. I would share more thoughts about Facebook, but then I wouldn't sound humble and timid anymore. Actually, then I'd just sound old and dumb.

T: I have a friend who believes that he is called to a life of being a pagan. How would you respond to that?
RH: Cool - I have a friend like that too! Actually, he's probably my best friend (although I don't think I like to rank friends....). We pretty much carry on as usual - laughing, talking about our lives, trying to understand each other, usually just acting silly, always trying to be friends who care for each other. I figure that trying to change him would be a little like trying to make plants grow faster by pulling on them - it'll only do damage. I'll trust the Spirit to keep on watering and fertilizing (Luther once suggested that pastors are fertilizer, after all - the organic, natural kind of fertilizer, the kind you can buy at Early's with names like "Moo Poo." He was dead serious, and he was right!).

T: What would Jesus do?
RH: Jesus would say, "For heaven's sake, would you stop asking that question? Quite frankly, I'm not sure I know what I'd do if I were living your life. Just do something, and I promise that no matter how dumb or catastrophic it is, I will still have done everything (already) for you. Give thanks for what I have done, and get on with your life! Decide what to do! Take a risk! Sheesh!"

T: If you could have dinner with anyone from history, who would it be, what would you serve, and why?
RH: I don't know - Jaco Pastorius and Freddie Mercury. I'd probably make chicken, and/or maybe just dal (not too hot!) and rice, with some zingy vegetables to go along with it all. Maybe a little red wine too. Joe Strummer would pop in for desert, and the four of us would head over to Homestead (on Victoria and Main) for some ice cream. Why? Because I like Jaco Pastorius, Freddie Mercury, Joe Strummer, chicken, and ice cream. And Jaco, Freddie, and Joe are all dead, which I guess qualifies them as being "from history." By the way, Val (my spouse) and our sons Ben and Joe could join us for supper, but they'll be out of town that weekend. Too bad for them! [Ed: I’m telling your wife you said that.]

T: Was getting a haircut a job requirement, and, if so, are you concerned the board will come down with further heavy-handed decisions regarding your personal appearance/hygiene?
RH: It was not a job requirement. I first started to think about getting a haircut when I saw Bart Simpson mock graduate students with pony tails who only make about six hundred bucks a year - at the time, all three conditions applied to me.

Pr. Raul Hartidaughter, pre-board enforced haircut: “My wife also told me I should quit wishing I was 18 again and get a haircut and a real job.”

T: What was the most formidable challenged you have ever faced?
RH: Figuring out what the most formidable challenge I have ever faced is. I'll let you know sometime. Maybe.

T: When people see an insect in their house, car etc., their first reaction if often to kill it-- yet God beseeches us to take care of the environment. Where do you stand on that? Furthermore – do you recycle?
RH: I actually tend to try to capture insects and let them free just outside the house. I've sort of got this thing about living creatures and compassion, and about not trying to think that the life of the universe is organized around me and my comfort and ease. The "living creatures and compassion" thing, though, leaves me wondering about my menu selection for Jaco, Freddie, and Joe. I do recycle. I cycle too. Probably more than I recycle. But if I cycle twice, I guess that's recycling. So yes, I do recycle. Lots. [Ed: What Pr. Raul conveniently left out of his answer is his presidency of the Northern Bush Rastas, a group claiming to be “Saskatchewan’s Largest Mountain Bike Club,” but which the Travestical thinks sounds more like a terrorist organization, or at the very least some sort of secret hippy organization. As we uncover more, the Travestical will let you know]

T: Imagine you could trade places with anyone for just a week. The person could be famous or not famous, living or from history, real or fictional. With whom would you trade places?
RH: That's easy - Elsworth P. Farmtool.

T: Who was/is Elsworth P. Farmtool, and why?
RH: I'm not telling. What is this? Oprah? Do I have to tell you everything?

"I hope his sermons aren’t as long as this interview"
- Editor

T: If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the title should be?
RH: "Hey, Val, does this shirt go with these pants?"

T: What experience do you have in liturgical interpretive dance, and how many services of liturgical dance do you intend to do a month?
RH: None. Twenty-seven.

T: Describe, in painful detail, your most embarrassing ministry moment.
RH: No.

T: In 2 sentences or less, explain what Paul Tillich's theology would say about the road construction along Wiggins, and how that affects the freedom of all students to access major thoroughfares in Saskatoon.
RH: Paul Tillich's theology wouldn't "say" anything at all, for a "theology" is not a sentient being, unlike, for instance, Paul Tillich's cat, who might say "Meow" about construction on Wiggins, or his dog, who might say "Woof" or "Grrr...". Paul Tillich himself, though, would likely say, "Good heafens, ven vill zey be done wis zis darn construction??!!!"

Pr. Raul Hartidaughter can be found quivering in his office, Mon-Thur 9-4:30, and Fri 9-Noon.

A Letter From the Editor

Dearest readers,

The leaves turn, the temperature drops, and another school year begins. One must ask oneself, how can I endure another year of this drudgery? The first few weeks slothfully pass by; when suddenly, the first Travestical of the year explodes on the scene, bringing forth hope and joy, greasing the dull, grinding wheels of the University experience.

We are pleased to return this year, continuing to bring the best in thought-provoking, mind-expanding, Lutheran-related journalism. Several exciting changes have taken place over the summer. Firstly, the Travestical has made several contacts in Campus Ministry throughout Canada, and is hoping to unite Campus Ministry across the country by featuring some cross-Canada content. Secondly, due to several ominous circumstances, our publication is no longer anonymous. So, you’ll know who is ignoring your rants when you get angry and offended at something we publish. And finally, some articles may begin to take a more satiric tone, as opposed to the straight up parody of the past. You’ll have to distinguish what is what for yourself. (If you don’t know the difference between parody and satire, get a freakin dictionary, and make yourself smarter).

We look forward to living, loving, and laughing with you this year.

Sincerely,

A. Johnson, Editor
qhfpubco@gmail.com

PS - As always, the Travestical would love your article or article idea submissions.

Miraculous Turnaround

This article is a follow-up article to one originally published in the Mar/Apr 2007 issue of the Travestical. To read the previous article, please click here.

“Life is totally different now,” the understatement of the year from former SAG member Oleam Shankspeare. When we last heard from SAG, Shankspeare, rAndy Johansen and Robby Tiller were struggling to survive a harsh winter, and dealing with the backlash of student fears regarding their presence at the Campus Centre. Asked how they managed to pull themselves out of the gutter, Tiller responded “the sustenance and never-ending nature of the Campus Centre cookie jar was key. That, and student loans. We’ll probably have to pay for that later, but we can always hope for a clerical error.”

Johansen described his new life as “utopian,” saying “I eat least one meal a day now, if not two or three.” Additionally, Shankspeare and Johansen now have girlfriends, and while Tiller does not, he said he is “playing the field” and “has a few good leads.”

Asked if they plan on giving back to the Campus Centre community, their unanimous response was “Do we have to commit right now?”